Turns Out We're Both Crazy

Dang.

My husband and I both totally freaked out today.  There are a lot of new people in our neighborhood - so one of the more established neighbors decided to have a party.  We RSVPed and planned to go this afternoon.   We have a hard time walking up and being neighborly to people because we have some pretty annoying anxiety issues.  So this seemed easier than trying to be friendly on our own.

We had some confusion though.  The party said it would go from 1pm -?.   CJ interpreted this as "Stop by anytime after 1".  I hadn't read the invitation and then I  freaked out because that wasn't 100% clear to me.  Maybe it didn't mean that at all.  Maybe everyone was SUPPOSED to show up at 1 and the "?" just meant the leaving time was in question.  I didn't actually look at the invite until 1:15 - when I was in the middle of making tomato sauce.  I freaked out and asked CJ if he knew from talking to them that it was that more casual option.  Nope - he just assumed.  So I totally panicked and told CJ he had to go without me down the street and I would come later.

My anxiety is usually based in thinking that "Oh, my god - what if I didn't do the right thing?"  I completely broke down, because I felt blind sided.   I can keep my anxiety in check if I have a plan.  My plan in this case would have been to show up at 1. 

CJ has social anxiety about doing things alone.  He was only mildly ok with going to a party where we wouldn't know people only because I would be there with him.  I had destroyed his plan by asking him to go first alone.

So he headed down the street with his chest getting tighter and tighter - squeezing out all the calm.  When he got to the neighbor's house there was no one on the deck or outside.  He got closer and could hear no sounds of party-like behavior.  So he came back home. 

Some arguing followed.
 "You have to call them - we rsvped!"
 Followed by "I can't do it - I'm the worst person ever!"
 "We have to do it - we RSVPED!!!"
"I can't do it - I hate phones!"
"I hate phones too!"
"Why did we think we could handle trying to be normal friendly neighbors?!?"

We've come to the logical conclusion any normal couple would come to in this situation.

We have to move. 

A Random Dream

I recently felt the need to tell my friend Nancy about a dream I had that involved her.  

Here's what I posted on her Facebook page.

"I had a dream last night that I came to eat dinner at your house. Some naked dude with dirt on him was running around with a giant hammer on the sidewalk. I finally got to the door, but I couldn't come inside because there were sick people. Then the military showed up - but it was ok. They were just coming to collect all the stuff they store in your neighborhood garages and basements.

While the menfolk were gathering the military equipment (Matt had a bunch of huge gas cans - in case you were wondering) all the neighborhood dogs ran into the street to do some synchronized swimming in large puddles. Then all the puppies and kittens came out and joined in while the womenfolk got power tools to join in the halftime-show-esque performance. I got totally scared when a lady got her lawnmower near a puppy - but it was so well choreographed that no one was hurt and a good time was had by all.

I just wanted to share that with you."

Proving that I am NOT the only nut job in my bunch of friends - her response was "I feel like that could have happened."

We Aren't Terribly Handy People

Here's a recent online conversation between my husband and myself.

me:  hi!

 

 CJ:  hi!

i might be here 'til 6:30 or so

also i tried to pump air into my tires this morning, but instead i just let air out

then i was able to pump air into so it was low instead of flat

but i couldn't get it full

i wasn't sure if it was me, our pump, or the tire

 me:  hmmm.. weird about the tire.  and sad face about you being gone until 630.  I was hoping to wander downtown with you.

we have a bike rack - if you want to take your bike to a real air place.

 CJ:  do we?

and then, do we know how to use it?

 me:  i don't think we know how to use it.  I think we kept it though.

 CJ:  i think we kept it also

in fact i think i know where it is

but i'm not really sure how it's supposed to work

 me:  There are strappy bits.

 CJ:  with metal pieces on the end

 me:  some kind of buckle?

 CJ:  i have no idea

Addlepated

I lose my phone pretty often.  Usually, I just use CJ's phone to call mine and locate it.  Doesn't work when you turn off the ringer though.   I decided to try once again by emailing the phone through my laptop.

Well - once my butt started vibrating, I figured out that it was under the cushion.

Thoughts Whilst Drinking My Morning Smoothie

Whenever I type on a computer and have a beverage, I am very aware I could spill it onto the keyboard.  My friend Sarah completely fried her keyboard in college by spilling orange juice on it.  So whenever I have the drink (seriously EVERY time) I think "Don't spill that like Sarah did with the orange juice!"

Years later I told Sarah this and she informed me that it was actually just water.  She wondered where the hell I had gotten the idea it was orange juice.   Um... maybe I just thought the story needed more excitement.  Nothing adds excitement like sugary liquids!

So now I have to think,"Don't spill that like Sarah did with the orange juice - that was actually just water!"

Middle School

Lately, I feel like I am about 20 years behind schedule.   Sure - I've always been emotionally immature, but there are some actual events that make me feel oddly out of time as well.

First thing - I shall soon be getting braces!  I was always jealous of other kids who got to get dental care of any sort.  So this is oddly depressing and elating at the same time.  It's exciting because "Hey!  I'll have nicer teeth at the end of this".   It's depressing because "Wow, I'll be a 32-33 year old with braces."

It also, of course, caused me all sorts of weird crazy freak outs.  For decades I believed that I didn't warrant decent dental or medical care because I was not good enough.  Not like I wasn't a good person or whatever.  I just felt like I was like one of those peaches that looks sort of ok on the outside, but when you bite into it the grossness overwhelms you and possibly there are also insects.  Really this analogy doesn't work though because I never actually thought I even looked ok on the outside.  I am trying desperately not to live in this mindset anymore.  So I am deliberately setting out to do the things I thought I couldn't because of my innate grossness.

It's been mostly good so far.  I'm working on remembering that I am awesome.