Lately, I feel like I am about 20 years behind schedule. Sure - I've always been emotionally immature, but there are some actual events that make me feel oddly out of time as well.
First thing - I shall soon be getting braces! I was always jealous of other kids who got to get dental care of any sort. So this is oddly depressing and elating at the same time. It's exciting because "Hey! I'll have nicer teeth at the end of this". It's depressing because "Wow, I'll be a 32-33 year old with braces."
It also, of course, caused me all sorts of weird crazy freak outs. For decades I believed that I didn't warrant decent dental or medical care because I was not good enough. Not like I wasn't a good person or whatever. I just felt like I was like one of those peaches that looks sort of ok on the outside, but when you bite into it the grossness overwhelms you and possibly there are also insects. Really this analogy doesn't work though because I never actually thought I even looked ok on the outside. I am trying desperately not to live in this mindset anymore. So I am deliberately setting out to do the things I thought I couldn't because of my innate grossness.
It's been mostly good so far. I'm working on remembering that I am awesome.
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